Tuesday, November 13, 2007 (8:50 PM)
arghhh
i am so confused!
i thought i have made up my mind
but up tilll now i realised that i am still confused on whether i want to change course
these few days
racking my brains for concepts
i realised that maybe i am not cut out for this course
and after making the model i am even clearer of this point.
when people see my model
they may think that i am not putting in enough effort
yes i agree that i did not put in enough effort
but they have to agree with mi that i cannot work without a concept
at least they have a weak concept to guide them through something
i dun even have a weak concept
i have a "cannot make it" concept
past few days i have been so stressed out and
was thinking thoroughly on whether i should change
and today i went to check up on the requirements on changing course and then the woman said that we could change but we cannot be removed from our course.
and i FO camp is coming up and i am in the committee
games I/C
i was pretty scared at first but after talking to kelvin
i realised that hey i could make it fun
then i asked him
if i were to change course would i still be part of the camp
and he said no
i felt so lost at that moment
so many mixed emotions
i felt sad
angry
frustrated
lost
all the negative emotions.
i really want to stay on in the committee
i dun wanna start all over again
not onli for my cca..
friends too
i wanna graduate with everyone
making new friends is a bit tough
its like a new environment once again.
pple asking me not to change
but i really cannot take the stress
i am so lagging behind
i am not making any progress
i don't understand anything..
friends are moving on too
and we should not have promised each other anything
because in the end
we will be disappointed
i knew you would change your mind in the ultimate end..
yet i still wanted to give myself a little bit of hope
but not going to try to persuade or push the blame
just let nature take its course.