Wednesday, February 10, 2010 (11:43 PM)
fuck it! she kept shooting me and giving like sarcastic remarks? like i dun get what is this... and then when she was explaining to me the reflected ceiling plan, i totally didnt get what she said and then she was like this is year ones work or smth like that
super hurt. i mean i dont know how to do thats why i am consulting you. and instead of shooting me u should be helping me. thats what a teachers job is for and that is what i am paying for! bitch
then i felt damn low then suddenly thought of crit and everything and how i would die..
then i felt even worse
and i was holding back my tears and in the car i didnt want to talk to my mum for fear i will jsut let go
and then at home i cried out for pretty long
and then i did work and at night
i was ok till shea and charlotte came up and then i sudd felt damn stressed out
and i called my mum
and after hearing her motherly voice i just let go
then she told me she loved me and all
then after that i washed my face and hoping the red eyes would go away
since charlotte and shea were outside
but i guess it didnt work cause i think charlotte saw my eyes
then
my dad called
and then i answered
and he started saying stuff like
if i dun like it then just stop what i am doing
(aunt val comes up too)
i couldnt take it after hearing what my dad said so i like walked to my room and another round of freefall happened.
then i came out eyes super red and all and then aunt val hugged me and wa lao YET ANOTHER ROUND OF FREEFALLING
then they asked me to go for dinner and then i think gan die and gan ma knew i cried so they just like stared at my puffy eyes but didnt say anything.. thank god
then as expected my dad came home and had a long talk with me
he said stuff like
i feel very insulted and angry that ur teacher insulted you. why angry because you have my genes. so insulting you = to insulting me. if you dun like it just stop. no point you make yourself suffer. i have gone through that when i was young so i know how it feels. thats why i always want my family to be happy. when any of you are unhappy i feel very sad and uncomfortable.
besides seeing/hearing u cry when u were a baby i have never seen u cry
and when ur mum told me u cried when u called her i felt very upset. i have never seen u so unhappy and it hurts me too cause i love you.
if u want to stop just stop i will take care of you even when you get married.
this is why i work so hard. so that i can support all of you. what for you go through so much these few months just to prove to them smth? its not worth it.
i think i even saw a little bit of tears in his eyes. i have never seen him this emotional too
i love you too dad!