Monday, February 26, 2007 (10:45 PM)
my dad kept calling mi and i answered the first 2 or 3 times then the other calls were left unanswered cause i did not hear it. then he called jy's phone then jy passed it to mi for mi to answer then my dad was like super angry?
dad: why did u not answer my phone calls? i tried calling u mani times but u did not pick up!
mi: opps sori! i did not hear it!
dad: bu guan le, wo xian zai yi jing hen shen qi le. ni gei wo ma shang hui lai! (super angry tone)
in fact there was a problem with my phone which i did not know till i asked jy to call my phone to test and my phone did not ring at all. i thought it was set to silent mode but no it ws not. so my phone indeed had a problem.
i mean why can't they just let mi be? since i am at a friend's birthday party, whose house is so near mine, why do they keep calling mi?
i mean they totally destroyed my mood! i did not even get to eat the cake! and after he called mi i was just so down and i did not feel like talkin to anyone but i kept a fake smiling face. then i went up alone to get my bag then came down and saw everyone taking pics. i wanted to go over at first but really felt like breaking down.when i reached home, my dad opened the door for mi ( i was hoping he would be aslp) and talked to mi in an irritated tone and i told him my phone was spoiled and the whole story then i went up. i was already quite pissed and ready to take a shower.my mum asked how was the bbq then i was thinkin to myself , how can it be good when you keep flooding my phone with your phone calls asking mi to go back?? and when i did not reply her, she asked mi why i did not answer my phone! then i was like half shouting, my phone is spoiled ok??!! and i closed the toilet door and silently weeped. i could take it anymore. i was so.. i can't describe.
i feel so suffocated! i know it is good that my parents care but i still need room! i need air to breathe!
up till now my mum does not even allow my friends to stay over! argh! and my dad! he is worse! even now, when he hears a phone call from a boy who is looking for mi, he would get so fed up! i mean WTF la! can't i even have guy friends?? is it like a crime?? when i was primary 6 i asked my mum when would she give mi freedom? and she said after my o lvls
and now it is already after o lvls and she did not keep her promise! and instead she said after your A lvls. F la. she knows i am not gg to jc yet she keeps doing things to make mi go there?
why can't she understand that i will never catch up with the other students in jc?
why can't she understand that i hate it when she compares mi with my brothers?
why can't she understand that i hate it when she says i am stupid? so what if i am? if she is saying i am stupid then isn't she talkin about herself? she is the one who gave birth to me!
why? WHy? WHY? DAMN IT!
if she doesn't want to give me freedom tehn why dun she just say so? why keeep giving mi false hopes??
whatever! i am so fed up with all this crap. just wanna hide somewhere now far away from them far away from all this unhappiness