LeSbOs.. gAyOs.. DeSpOs.. ReTaRdOs.. WeIrDoS..

2010-11-07T16:09:00.002+08:00

he doesnt really like me
all the signs are there
but i cant help it but to carry on falling deeper..
karma finally strikes back

2010-11-07T16:08:00.001+08:00

being in love is such a total bitch

ong guan kai is a total bitch

2010-10-26T17:30:00.007+08:00

i am going mad
my chest feels so tight i am afraid i might pass out
i need a drink
maybe a few to drown this feeling out
the silence.. the wait is killing me

today started out fine we chatted on fb and then you suddenly stopped replying then after what seemed like forever you said

'welcome back'
'i was online the whole time!'
'nope! when i replied you were already offline.'
'so.. were you waiting for me to see if i came back on??'
'kinda'
'can i say i am kinda happy?!'

i was quite happy with that reply but.. u kinda changed topic? so yea
everytime i make it obvious u change the topic
so i get it now

you tend to make it awkward when we chat..
like last night or the night before we were chatting and then you were telling me about the scene where we were at the foodcourt eating and we walked back to the store
yea
soo u know the girl from the restaurant next to the foodcourt and then she asked you if i was your gf (when i already left) then you said oh no she is not my gf.
so.. ok you tell me that then what do you want me to reply you? seriously like wtf..

anyways we chatted i called you and we continued chatting and we went to visit our FRIENDSTER account! and then i saw her pictures in your album and it kinda killed me
especially the montage one with all your kissing and lovey dovey pictures
it totally killed my mood for the whole of this week.
and now i keep going back to stare at it and making myself feel inferior

why do i do that.. i really dont know why i torture myself this way
maybe a painful approach will remind me that this is not a fairytale

last night we were on the phone and.. i was kinda harsh
but i was that way because i felt super frustrated
like there are many things i wanna ask you but i cant bring myself to ask
i want to ask you to stop talking about her
but i cant because who i am to ask you to stop talking about her? i am only a friend status
thats why its so hard!
and i told my friend that i would give you a while to make the first move but she told me that you once said that you dont make the first move except your ex.. duh of course.. of course

that sentencemy friend said made me feel even worse
made me wanna give up
then thinking about it..
every song i hear or do things that relate to you when i feel sad..
you are probably relating it to her when you listen to certain songs and whatever
i feel like a background..

then when i feel like i should give up
you come and do smth that makes me go smiling like a mad person

for example the day before ytd i was texting you and you didnt really reply. the whole day you only replied a text msg.. ridiculous can i just say..

and ytd you did a lil better you maybe replied like 3 or 4 times
then i was complaining to my friend that u didnt reply much so maybe you are not interested blabla
then she said that you guys were super busy at the shop thats why!
so i was like oh ok i understand..
and then i was just emoing the whole day and then at night after your work u sent me
' hey sorry for not organising my time to reply you messages'
i feel weak but i have to say.. i was flying! its the first time he said this!

then after i touched down on earth i was thinking.. what if it was his ex.. would he have done it differently? would he have texted her even though he was super busy?

see, the mind fucking thing starts all over again

then i think about how he chased her for 2 years and they were together for 7 years so thats basically 9 years of his life..
thats a super long dedication
and he has only known me less than a month and i am falling head over heels for him
so maybe he found it too easy
and is tired
maybe its just a game to him
i duno but i wanna know
i wish he would tell me

and then a song popped into my head which is suuuupppeeerrr appropriate for my situation right now
and its a song by coco lee ' before i fall in love' (although i already have..)

My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
Cuz my heart's been through it before
Am I'm just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true
Could you really be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
(Who warns) my ups and downs
So tell me now
Before I fall in love

And I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burned
But I wanna take a chance
Oh please
Give me a reason to believe
Say you're the one that you'll always be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
through all my ups and downs
So tell me now
Before I fall in love

It's been so hard for me
To give my heart away
But I would give my everything
Just to hear you say...

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
through all my ups and downs
So tell me now
Before I fall in love
~

i love the part 'And I'm at the point of no return So afraid of getting burned But I wanna take a chance'

its so true that there is no turning back now.. i know i have a high chance of getting hurt but yet i wanna take that risk..

i really shouldnt have gone down to the shop
never should have...

can i confess to him?
i wish i could..i wish i had the bloody guts to do it
but even if i did i dun think i would
because the answer is so clear........

2010-10-26T14:09:00.003+08:00

i wondered what would have happened if

i didnt see you

if i didnt go down to MIC

if i didnt see you on the dance floor

if you didnt give me your number

if you didnt express your interest in me to the others

if you didnt constantly talk about your ex

if you didnt always stare at other girls and complimenting how pretty they are and trying desperately to get their attention

if you didnt tell me you were a good guy

if we did not go out on that date

if you didnt make lame promises like " you know what dont take your license, i will drive you around once i get my land rover' or how ' i wont smoke in front of you'

dun even say such things if you dun intend to finish what you started

omg u are fucking annoying! how do you manage to make me so excited just receiving a msg from you on facebook?! such as an ass. but i guess you dont see what you are doing to me casue you are too blinded by your ex

2010-10-26T13:47:00.001+08:00

i wish i knew what you are thinking about

or how you feel

then at least i know which direction i am gg

2010-10-24T18:23:00.002+08:00

i am back to being my emo self..
and this is the only place i can release everything

i really wanna talk to you now and tell you how much i like you
but i duno where to start and i am afraid i would get hurt
i am afraid you would say you like me.. but only as a friend

our conversations these few days have been reduced to just minutes..
and then thinking about it.. i rmb you once asked me
" what if i stopped calling you"
wtf does that mean?
are you trying to tell me that you wanna start staying away
or are you trying to see if you would think of me if you dont call me

i keep mind fucking myself because of you
i am back to listening to my stupid emo songs because of you
i am probably sick because of you

ytd at the flea market
you asked me to pass you your bag and i saw the cabin crew tag with her name on it
did u know i was dying inside
i tried not to show my feelings on face
so i had to walk away

i wonder if i could ever measure up to her?
i know you have been with her for 7 years and that you really loved her and probably isnt easy getting over her
i get it
i have only known u for a month and i am going crazy

truth is i have never felt this way for a guy
i only communicate with the guys i like through sms or msn
and we rarely meet up
and when we do
i feel myself pushing them away

you are the only guy i have gone out with and feel comfortable during the whole date
you are the only guy who calls me every night and chat with me on the phone for hours

i like how you sound over the phone
i like how you sound when you just wake up in the morning
i like how you talk to me in a gentle tone
i like how you fell asleep on me over the phone and i didnt mind because i felt contented
but the only thing i hate and cannot get over is how u always manage to bring her into the conversation every single time
have you got no EQ?

the past few days i thought we were making progress because you really seemed to give me all your attention
but only ytd or maybe since the day before you were kinda cold

i thought only women had pms..

i rmb the day i got kinda drunk and you were with me on the phone the whole time to try to get me into my house and then waited for me to fall asleep and this time i fell asleep on you over the phone
and you said you wished you were with me to give me water
its phrases like that that keeps me going and believing that there is smth
sometimes you would call me babe and the other day u called me baby
but i wonder if you do this to all your friends
and i wonder if you think of her when you call me these names
i bet you do..

i rmb you saying stuff to me like

you would offer me a hug if you were with me because i told you i was freezing
and blabla
i would note down the amount of time we talk everyday and record it down
sounds stupid but yea

today i am sick but you dont seem to care and since i had so much time in my hands
i was thinking if you are worth it
and i was starting to feel silly for giving so much when you didnt even return anything
i wanna say i will wait
but i duno if i am that strong
i really hope you sort out your feelings soon
amd things will be on the positive side

2010-10-19T21:20:00.001+08:00

i keep mind fucking myself..
fuck

2010-10-19T10:27:00.001+08:00

somewhere between our long convos and big laughs i fell in love

2010-10-19T09:49:00.000+08:00

the more you tell me about her, the lesser confidence i have

2010-10-19T09:26:00.001+08:00

i wonder if you know i like you..
you should know
because i have made it so obvious you would be a total blockhead if you cant tell

2010-10-19T09:19:00.002+08:00

it kills me to hear you talking about your past with her
it almost killed me when u said you would have a kissing scene..
i wanted so much to say no.. dun act because of that
but.. who i am to you.. just a friend status
i am wondering if you are serious
you sound serious you act kinda serious but yet like nth is happening so whats up man..
dun keep going around in circles..

2010-09-14T21:18:00.002+08:00

those feelings are back again to haunt me
dilemma frustration helplessness jealousy
its like every emotion combining forces

i am angry at her
i hate that so called mini me.. fuck

if only i was not caged when i was younger and had the freedom to all that i wanted then maybe now i would not feel so useless
i would have already made up my mind and not dilly dally on small stupid things like these.

its not my fault
its not.

after hearing some news today
i just wanna run as far away as possible
i wanna give you back everything
i am sorry that i am not what you wanted me to be
you can give everything to them
i will just live on my miserable pay
i will go abroad and leave you alone

2010-02-10T23:43:00.002+08:00

today at school i wanted to consult jonathan but then i wasnt done with my works and then by the time i printed and everything he was probable out for lunch and since my mum was waiting for me for lunch i talked to the korean lecturer instead

fuck it! she kept shooting me and giving like sarcastic remarks? like i dun get what is this... and then when she was explaining to me the reflected ceiling plan, i totally didnt get what she said and then she was like this is year ones work or smth like that

super hurt. i mean i dont know how to do thats why i am consulting you. and instead of shooting me u should be helping me. thats what a teachers job is for and that is what i am paying for! bitch

then i felt damn low then suddenly thought of crit and everything and how i would die..
then i felt even worse
and i was holding back my tears and in the car i didnt want to talk to my mum for fear i will jsut let go

and then at home i cried out for pretty long
and then i did work and at night
i was ok till shea and charlotte came up and then i sudd felt damn stressed out
and i called my mum
and after hearing her motherly voice i just let go
then she told me she loved me and all
then after that i washed my face and hoping the red eyes would go away
since charlotte and shea were outside
but i guess it didnt work cause i think charlotte saw my eyes

then
my dad called
and then i answered
and he started saying stuff like
if i dun like it then just stop what i am doing

(aunt val comes up too)

i couldnt take it after hearing what my dad said so i like walked to my room and another round of freefall happened.

then i came out eyes super red and all and then aunt val hugged me and wa lao YET ANOTHER ROUND OF FREEFALLING

then they asked me to go for dinner and then i think gan die and gan ma knew i cried so they just like stared at my puffy eyes but didnt say anything.. thank god

then as expected my dad came home and had a long talk with me

he said stuff like

i feel very insulted and angry that ur teacher insulted you. why angry because you have my genes. so insulting you = to insulting me. if you dun like it just stop. no point you make yourself suffer. i have gone through that when i was young so i know how it feels. thats why i always want my family to be happy. when any of you are unhappy i feel very sad and uncomfortable.
besides seeing/hearing u cry when u were a baby i have never seen u cry
and when ur mum told me u cried when u called her i felt very upset. i have never seen u so unhappy and it hurts me too cause i love you.
if u want to stop just stop i will take care of you even when you get married.
this is why i work so hard. so that i can support all of you. what for you go through so much these few months just to prove to them smth? its not worth it.

i think i even saw a little bit of tears in his eyes. i have never seen him this emotional too
i love you too dad!

2010-02-09T22:33:00.000+08:00

why why why why WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

W H YYYYYYYY

so many questions running through my mind

i feel like as if i am about to explode

i just wanna scream my lungs out

let everything out

and then maybe, only maybe i will be fine

2010-02-09T22:28:00.000+08:00

i have sighed so much

2010-02-09T19:55:00.000+08:00

karma will find its way back to me one day

2010-02-09T19:28:00.001+08:00

silence.. no exchange of words
i think its best that way

2010-02-09T12:46:00.001+08:00

i have been thinking the whole morning

2010-02-09T09:24:00.001+08:00

you randomly pop into my mind

2010-02-09T02:26:00.001+08:00

STARVING

2010-02-08T21:57:00.003+08:00

addicted to poison..
a deadly one which effects will haunt me when the time has come

2010-02-08T21:56:00.001+08:00

know the feeling of liking someone
wishing that they have the same feelings right back at ya
but knowing it will not happen?

2010-02-08T18:47:00.002+08:00

for that short moment of time i almost thought it was real
till i was brought back to reality..

2010-02-07T22:26:00.001+08:00

and i thought you were my friend..

2010-02-07T21:59:00.001+08:00

i hate myself for being so weak

2010-02-07T21:53:00.002+08:00

i wish
i could tell someone whats on my mind
someone who wont judge me

keeping it all inside is just slowly killing me

2010-02-07T09:46:00.000+08:00

what have i become
what did i get myself into
i wanna get out but yet i wanna linger around

2010-02-06T22:09:00.000+08:00

god forgive me for i have sinned

2010-02-02T20:58:00.003+08:00

i thought i could control myself
i thought i knew better
everyday i am waiting
checking every few minutes
becoming paranoid

2010-02-02T09:03:00.000+08:00

talking to myself in my head

2010-02-01T21:10:00.001+08:00

no i am not alright

2010-02-01T20:25:00.001+08:00

i wish i can get people to understand how i feel

2010-02-01T19:58:00.000+08:00

FUCK OFF

2010-01-30T12:31:00.001+08:00

fuck it.
i wish i wasnt so easily star struck..

2010-01-29T09:28:00.002+08:00

H R L P C

APPEAR!!!

2010-01-28T21:32:00.000+08:00

i have so much on my mind now that i am nearing the end..

i wanna give up.. i have no more spirit to continue

thinking bout life just makes me teary
oh wells

2010-01-27T15:32:00.002+08:00

i feel so small when compared to the world

what difference would i make if i were gone

2010-01-24T18:10:00.001+08:00

last night at dinner i told my parents of how i imagined it would be like if my boyfriend were to propose to me in singapore
of course it was super duper exaggerating
but its good to dream

2010-01-23T16:36:00.002+08:00

I NEED TO STOP SPENDING MONEY! OMGGG
MY MUM IS SOOOO GONNA KILL ME WHEN SHE SEES THE BANK ACCOUNT SLIP

2010-01-23T11:26:00.003+08:00

sometimes i wonder what is my purpose in life
what am i pursuing after?

i am studying something and like making my life so miserable for what?
for a cert that i will not use

the next step in my life is the most crucial moment
the road before me is split into two

i have to make a decision
but what will it be?
i am caught in a dilemma

one path requires freedom and chasing after a dream

another one is one that pulls me back to the cold hard world of reality

both paths have their pros and cons..

parents play an impt role too..

i am horse that cant roam freely

2010-01-04T20:03:00.001+08:00

sucks to be infatuated with someone

2009-12-19T16:57:00.001+08:00

sometimes i wish
sigh
i dun even know how to put it in the right way to show how i really feel now

2009-11-29T16:02:00.002+08:00

everyone is out having fun
parents are out on a date
eldest bro is out with friends
second bro is out with his gf

and i am stuck at home on this lovely day doing my god damn project
listening to emo songs
and thinking about life

my teenagehood is almost up in a few months
and i all i rmb is just studying and doing projects
i dun really have much fun

its quite sad thinking bout it

having overprotective parents can be so annoying
and pple will think they are just protecting you blabla and wadeva shit crap
protecting is good
but there is a limit to it
they need to give me space to breathe

2009-11-29T14:18:00.003+08:00

time is passing by so quickly
it feels like just last week i had my crit but thinking bout it its gonna be 3 weeks already and the next crit is here
then it would the hols that will definitely be over in 3 blinks.

and the same cycle of lifeless routine will repeat and before i know it
i will be graduating
thinking bout it makes me feel kinda sour inside
i want to graduate yet i am not ready
not at all
i have not even started to enjoy life in poly and yet i am gonna graduate in 3 months

i wonder what if i chose another path at the beginning
i am sure it will be so different

after i grad, the next decision will be so impt
i duno if i should continue and accept reality
or i should at least go after my dream even if its lame and
so not gonna happen..

2009-11-29T14:16:00.002+08:00

i am in a situation
a crucial part of my life
a decision that will decide my path

2009-11-25T17:13:00.007+08:00

i like msn
no one can tell how u feel
i may say LOL to seem happy
but actually i am not

its like my mask

2009-11-25T17:13:00.005+08:00

i was wondering what word to describe this.. situation
my friend came up with a word unknowingly

pathetic

2009-11-25T17:13:00.002+08:00

is there anyone out there that understands?

2009-11-25T17:13:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just wanna strangle my mum

2009-11-21T22:29:00.002+08:00

I FOUND THIS IN MY ROOM

2009-11-17T17:36:00.001+08:00

karma is a hefty price to pay

2009-11-16T23:21:00.002+08:00

i feel so bloated with emotions
my chest feels so tight
recounting to my friend my several events of unhappiness
triggered a part of me
_________

2009-11-16T22:10:00.002+08:00

tonight had snacks and..
well felt insulted by smth
altho it is true
bu
still
it didnt have to be said out loud
if u are trying to like stand out in front of them then puh lese
try not to get ahead of yourself
ass..

i duno whats happening to me
lately i have been filled with alot of anger
anger anger anger is all that i hold now
whats coming over me..

2009-11-14T10:54:00.000+08:00

so
effing
pissed

i
dun
wanna
go
anymore

bitch
BITCH

2009-11-12T23:35:00.000+08:00

You are a middle brain dominant student!

You are open minded but not gullible about things or people. You may run into trouble making decisions sometimes, while your logical brain plays tug-of-war with your gut instinct. You enjoy the arts, but you could also do well in science and math. You appreciate the beauty of all things in life, and are well-rounded. Middle brain students would do well on The Apprentice, since they can have a strong mix of gut instinct and an appreciation for numbers. You would have a strong career in business, but you may not go that route; you may be more interested in studying the arts and sciences in college. You would be wise to read over the characteristics of left and right brain students and consider whether you fall into the traps of either type. For instance, extreme right brain dominant students can get too bogged down in thought, while extreme left brain students can be rigid in their views.

You are a middle brain dominant student!

You are a middle brain dominant student!

You are open minded but not gullible about things or people. You may run into trouble making decisions sometimes, while your logical brain plays tug-of-war with your gut instinct. You enjoy the arts, but you could also do well in science and math. You appreciate the beauty of all things in life, and are well-rounded. Middle brain students would do well on The Apprentice, since they can have a strong mix of gut instinct and an appreciation for numbers. You would have a strong career in business, but you may not go that route; you may be more interested in studying the arts and sciences in college. You would be wise to read over the characteristics of left and right brain students and consider whether you fall into the traps of either type. For instance, extreme right brain dominant students can get too bogged down in thought, while extreme left brain students can be rigid in their views."

2009-11-09T21:10:00.003+08:00

SUBMISSIOONN
finally.. gosh
i feel so overworked

I NEVER WANNA GO THROUGH ANOTHER FYP
NEVER
EVER
EVERRRRRRR
this is not the way a teenager should live
teenagers should be like living life right now
BEING 19 IS THE PEAK OF TEENAGE LIFE

and i dun get to enjoy it
bloodyf
beeen complaining and reprimanding myself since i started poly for choosing this damned course

2009-11-05T10:34:00.001+08:00

i wanna go
i wanna go
i wanna go
i wanna go
I WAAANNNNNNNA GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
DAMN IT
i cant believe this!!!!!!!!!
first i cant attend the ycss bbq thing
and now this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALL BECAUSE OF THE TRIP!!!!!
ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
i would so totally miss the trip for the korean fest thing

2009-11-02T23:55:00.000+08:00

I FEEEEEEL DRUUUNKKKKKKKK HAH HAH HAH

OVERDOSE ON INTERIOR DESIGN

2009-11-02T17:43:00.002+08:00

heard something from my mum today..
it was kinda heart wrenching
learnt something out of it
but some things are better left unsaid

i will stand by you no matter what
although i may not understand but at least i am there for you support if you are tired

it's so sad to know what is happening and to knowing that she is suffering silently

you might always think it would never happen to you or anyone close to you
but fate is a funny thing

2009-11-01T01:21:00.001+08:00

MICHAEL JACKSON
THIS IS IT

2009-10-26T20:40:00.000+08:00

always be grateful to those around you

2009-10-24T01:15:00.002+08:00

tonight, i found someone in the same boat as i am
fortunate in many ways yet unfortunate in some ways
who says bring rich means you have everything
sure i can shop
sure i can eat good stuff
i can do many things
but in order to have these some other things in life have to be sacrificed
it's the way god designed it

i strongly believe in karma
do good things and you will be rewarded
but it doesnt mean u will have to be rewarded in this lifetime
it may be next lifetime

i am not complaining my life sucks
its great
i am very grateful
but there are some imperfections
so dont always think everything is perfect
it is not

2009-10-23T19:23:00.002+08:00

i have always been someone that didnt let certain things take control of me
i was always the one that was in power
but after so long
and after certain 'stuff' happened
makes me just want to let myself go this time

i want to yet i dont want to
i cant help myself from feeling this way
its always one after another
the better one wins and the loser never has the chance to even be in that position
never once
maybe it is asking too much
i dnt know
may not have the qualities that is needed
but has certain charm to it

i want to yet i dont want to
i long for yet i stay away

2009-10-23T19:20:00.003+08:00

lately i have been trying to make up for things i didnt do in the past.
some things have amazed me
making me ponder on why i didnt do so earlier
and all the chances i missed
i wanna start over
all over
and make a change

and if i could relive those moments, i would

2009-10-23T19:13:00.000+08:00

At this particular time, you are feeling that you are or were unjustly and undeservedly treated and/or betrayed in your hopes and dreams. You feel that everything is against you. But look on the bright side for you are, whether you believe it or not, a survivor.

Of late, everything seems to be going so slowly - far slower than you anticipated - and this is causing you much anxiety and frustration. It would appear that there is little you can do about the series of events that now seem to be taking place. In spite of the fact that you feel like 'giving up' - don't. Take a deep breath and start over again and you will find that eventually the expression 'All's well that ends well' will have an extra special meaning for you.

Being a very proud individual, you tend to hold yourself aloof pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain and pleasure. This is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional individual, one that may make a hasty decision and perhaps regret it at leisure. It is time now to break the bond of detachment and be the 'you' that you would like to be - give vent to your emotions and enjoy yourself.

Of late, everything seems to be going so slowly - far slower than you anticipated - and this is causing you much anxiety and frustration. It would appear that there is little you can do about the series of events that now seem to be taking place. In spite of the fact that you feel like 'giving up' - don't. Take a deep breath and start over again and you will find that eventually the expression 'All's well that ends well' will have an extra special meaning for you.

Being a very proud individual, you tend to hold yourself aloof pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain and pleasure. This is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional individual, one that may make a hasty decision and perhaps regret it at leisure. It is time now to break the bond of detachment and be the 'you' that you would like to be - give vent to your emotions and enjoy yourself.

2009-10-01T01:14:00.000+08:00

sick of curfews

2009-09-22T09:45:00.001+08:00

flea market was a blast!!!!!!

2009-09-02T23:16:00.002+08:00

today was packing my cupboards to see what i shud sell and then!
i calculated the amount of clothing i had

80 pairs of shorts
68 skirts
149 dresses

like whoooaaa
didnt count the shirts and tops! like sooo cool XD

anyways then went to dinner at this new place in sentosa
and had dinner with charles and keith the charles! sooo coool

2009-09-01T23:49:00.001+08:00

i am such a bitch

2009-08-16T21:16:00.002+08:00

i feel so lost
what to after i graduate
what is my purpose in life
everything just seems so dead
like it has all been planned out for you

its like this.. u grad from poly u move on the uni then u grad from uni u come out and work u work for a few years and you get married!

iTS SO BORINGGG
(unless i get married to an ultra hot rich guy then i wouldnt mind getting married even now)

there are so many things i wanna so after i grad from poly but SO LITTLE TIME!
i wanna take up korean, driving, make up.
i wanna go korea and work in the music company for at least a while so if i dun fit there then at least i can give up my dreams of looking at korean stars nearby

if that dream fails then i shall move on to england and search for guys HAHA
IF THAT FAILS then.. i shall have to resort to opening a blogshop first
if that is a success i shall earn some money, get some loyal shoppers and open a real shop

gosh
poly
is
such
a
waste
of
my
life

i am just stressing every single school day
i thought poly was supposed to be fun
i guess not for some of us..
i should have chosen something i really liked and not anyhow point to some course and decided
IF ONLY I COULD GO BACK IN TIME

if could do that, there will be so many changes made
i would join a course i like
i would join sports club (HAHA thats where the hot guys are)
i bet if i did i would have a bf by now ( and a hot one)

I WANNA HAVE A NIGHTLIFE
I WANNA HAVE A SHOPPING BUDDY TO SHOP TILL WE DROP EVERY SHOPPING SPREE
I WANNA HAVE STARS AS FRIENDS
i wanna have so many things
i know i must not be greedy
but i am afterall a human i crave for things i do not have

2009-08-16T21:15:00.002+08:00

today i saw a hot guy that me and my guy friend have been going gaga over
WHAT A SMALL WORLD
i swear he is hot Hot HOT
his smile his eyes and damn i hate his gf already
what a lucky girl
if i were her i would hold on tight to him

2009-08-02T21:11:00.000+08:00

brother is away in paris

lucky ass

2009-07-27T21:32:00.002+08:00

I AM BORED I AM BORED I AM FREAKING BORED
I AM BORED TO THE EXTENT OF MY BRAIN JUICE HAS DRYING UP
my brain is not functioning
I DUN WANNA JOIN THE IDIOTIC FURNITURE CONTEST
its so lame! teachers are so lame..
tsk
pek chek
today is such an awkward day

2009-07-27T20:27:00.002+08:00

i wonder what is it like

to have a guy pull u in his arms and hold you tight
when you lay on his chest listening to his steady heart beat
when you are overseas, just the two of you.. some romantic getaway
when he buys something you saw in a shop that you liked very much secretly for you
walking along the beach on a breezy night

2009-07-19T21:39:00.001+08:00

so irritating

2009-06-30T21:47:00.000+08:00

i hate it
i shall rebel in future

2009-06-29T21:47:00.001+08:00

baby shea farted on me

twice

2009-06-16T23:51:00.001+08:00

ARGH SO BLOODY PISSED
the weather is pissing me off
internet is pissing me off
everything is pissing me off

2009-06-10T11:06:00.002+08:00

i want to have the power to read minds

2009-06-10T11:06:00.001+08:00

I AM SO BORED

2009-06-10T10:43:00.002+08:00

i am back in spore!!!!

ITS DAMN HOT

I AM LIKE MELTING

anyways.. not sure what to feel now that i am back in singapore

mixed emotions.

not sure whether to feel happy sad excited sian or what like part of me wants to come back yet part of me still wants to stay in dalian!

beijing was a total disappointment!!!!!! its so.. boring? so commercialized!

i sooo miss dalian!!! i miss the food AND OMGGGG I PUT ON 4 FUCKING KG!

I SERIOUSLY NEED TO GO ON A SERIOUS DIET

i will look like some pumpkin on my ah gongs bday la! so many people are gonna be there and i dun wan them to start saying

omg u put on so much weight!!

i dun wanna look like some ultra fat girl standing next to my brother's skinny friends

standing beside them just makes everything worse.

i make them look even skinnier they make me look even fatter!!!!!!!

T________T

anyways.. i miss all the friends.. staying with them

it was short but fun

it still feels like the past i was still making the decision of whether i should go to dalian or not and now i am already back from that place!! O.O

2009-05-26T23:11:00.000+08:00

havent been updating because i am in china! and i have a china blog for gems!

link: lewruiqi.blogspot.com

2009-05-26T23:00:00.000+08:00

blablabla

2009-04-26T19:33:00.000+08:00

check out my blog for china trip over at lewruiqi.blogspot.com!

2009-04-14T13:01:00.000+08:00

Look who's talking

2009-04-10T21:58:00.001+08:00

reading your post, i want u to know u are forgiven.. and hopefully the trust will be regained in time

and it is not about believing u or not it is smth more

2009-04-10T21:56:00.003+08:00

so many things happening

some good but mostly bad i guess

trying not to make a big fuss out of it counting that i still have got...

anyways.. learnt smth very impt and another friend said the same thing and guess it applies to almost everyone..

will take note of it

2009-04-10T12:35:00.000+08:00

Hard to trust pple ard u

2009-04-05T21:54:00.002+08:00

TIME TO UPDATE

okay so having attachment right now and blabla

and next fri is good friday! so i was telling my mum hey! lets have an easter egg party!

that would be so cool la and then we can like decorate eggs or smth

and then my mum said ok and then can ask everyone to wear a bunny suit!

then my bro's friends are all like so skinny la!! then i said wa lao!

then i would be like the fattest bunnny!!!

lamooo

AND i will be leaving for china!DAMN SIAN

i dun wanna go

i can't stop thinking of whether the place would be clean

whether the food is edible

whether the girls are bitchy

whether i will see an army of cockroaches (although i have eelaine LOL)

so many things to think about..

and most importantly i would be missing everyone's bday!

my dad's my mum's my bro's my aunt's my cousin's!!

everyone is like may baby!!!

roarr

AND

i would have to celebrate bday overseas without the love of my family! T_T

so pathetic tsktsk

and then ytd had a pizza party and my one of dad's friend came over with his wife and then she said she went to dalian and the water she showers with is BROWN but eelaine said it is the water head that's rusty (Hopefully our water head is clean and not rusty *phew)

and said its better to bring your own pads, your own food and stuff like that

SO FREAKING ME OUT

haiz

and the proooojjeecccttt!!! hopefully it is grp with no individual proj i will faint

totally faint

but well there are positive and negative sides to this trip

positive : memories? def

negative: will not be able to spend time with my aunty and cousins that are visiting from US (they haven't been back for like 2 years and so it will be so sad to just see them for a few days before they go back! cause they come in may and go back a few in mid june and i onli arrive in spore on the 9th or 10th?)

another negative point is.. ITS FREAKING WINTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

not fun at all! *shakes head

k being super fussy

but can't help it

I AM A HYGIENE FREAK

2009-03-20T22:19:00.003+08:00

recently i have been feeling so distant from everyone!
and my cousin came back from switzzerland about a month ago to visit and nurse her new born baby here. and it feels so different. we seldom meet. i mean we onli met like twice during her 1 and a half months stay here and another 2 times because she was going back end of the week which means tml..
we dun go out or chat like we used to
which is kinda sad
moving away really changes things.
same goes for my other cousins. they moved away when young and we used to be close when we young cause we were kids and didn't care about anything else
but now we have all grown up and.. i just feel weird being around them when they come. its a little awkward. i mean its a really sad thing. remembering how close we used to be, how we used to share secrets, have slpovers and all and now we are just so distant
and i wasn't so emo till the radio started playing emo korean songs...
roar..
as if life isn;t sad enough right now..

2009-01-27T22:42:00.001+08:00

THOSE READING THIS

PLEASE DO VISIT THIS SITE!

WWW.LAINEZANN.BLOGSPOT.COM!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH

2009-01-26T23:38:00.001+08:00

guess we are no longer the best friends we used to be
looking at her blog and friendster tsktsk
only now i realised that we were never that close, i made myself think we were close
but oh well

2009-01-26T22:52:00.002+08:00

feel so emo
like out of the blue
maybe its menopause? HAHAH as if..

its the age
its getting to me
well i know 19 is considered young but it is bothering me becasue! throughout my 19 years i have never enjoyed my life the way a teenage should.
like going out, having fun, going wild HAVING LIFE

teenagehood and childhood has just been about studies and becasue of the strict parents
i rarely go out ok not rarely but in between rarely and seldom
ask them this
NO
ask them that
NO
answer is mostly no
I NEED A LIFE

and bloody poly is taking up even more of my time! everyday project this project that kns la
and by the time i grad
i will be 20! A 2 IS REPLACING MY BELOVED 1! that is when
i will become a semi adult!!!
like so scary!! then if i ever go to uni i will grad at the age of 24 and then work and get married at 26 AND that is where i will officially have no life.
i see my cousins getting married and of course have their child blablabla what a blessing blablabla
but your life will just be about your children and working blablabla
i wanted to go achieve my dream when i was still a teenager!
but i guess impossible now?
feeeel so ollld!!!!!!!! maybe another reason is also because i am no longer the youngest generation of the family and i have more and more nieces and nephews popping out! calling me aunty rachel! like wtf! i am only 19! call mi jie jie! LOl

and i guess at this age, pple will start talking to u about weddings!!!!!!!!!!
well maybe it only happens to me?

was chatting to a very very very close friend of mine the other day, it was the first time we chatted in 2 years and haveknown each other for 7 years since i was in sec 1!
and then i was asking him about army and how was his gf blabla
and now he has changed from lawyer gf to executive gf

his gf is 3 years older than him but its ok la since he prefers mature girls
and anyways he told me that his gf BROKE UP WITH HER FIANCE for hiM!
like
wow
so cool
the power of love! XD

then he told me that they were gonna get married when he hits 25 cause otherwise she will be too old and all.
then i was like HUH
then it suddenly felt like it was just days ago when we would call each other everyday to chat and he will listen to all my complaints and let me cry over the phone blabla
and i would listen to him talking about his gfs and give him comments
i mean it is so sudden
although it is just getting married but it somehow feels different!
its like we practically watched each other grow up. from childish to being mature
and then he is gonna be a dad and..
duno how to explain but it just feels kinda sad
we used to chat so much and that day he seemed kinda stranger
it was heartbreaking

these few days have been such emo days
must be the projects
sigh..

2009-01-25T23:40:00.004+08:00

HAPPY CNY EVERYONE!!!! XD

ang pow collection time!!! gonna make sure i greet every single relative and suck them of their ang pows LOL

but so saddening ITS ONLY 2 DAYS OF HOLS!

well better than one day i guess XD at least its a long weekend

ANYWAYS

eat more ba kua and have more candies and whatver snacks there are! just SUP THEM ALL UP

2009-01-23T21:04:00.001+08:00

my convo with eel XD

self pity says:
like u duno how to continue right
Eelaine says:
oh wellss
Eelaine says:
YAAA
self pity says:
hahaha
Eelaine says:
PRECISELY
self pity says:
then if u continue duno if irritating or not
Eelaine says:
YAAAAAA
Eelaine says:
OMGGGGG
self pity says:
LOLLL
Eelaine says:
U KNOW HOW I FEEL
Eelaine says:
HAHAHAHA
self pity says:
hahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahah

2009-01-22T23:33:00.003+08:00

ARGH!!!!!!!!
REALLY DAMN FBLOODY ANGRYYY!!!!!!
my mum packed my cupboard yet again
can't she just stay out and stop touching my stuff
and now she packed in all the unwanted stuff tha ti took out and i have to wasste my bloody time to take out the fclothes again.
told her countless times to STOP PACKING MY ROOM
does she not understand english?
i guess not cause if she did
she wouldn't have done it!
and she rearranged all my clothes which i SUPER CANNOT TAKE IT
i already know where each item belongs, which cupboard and whatever shit and now i have to waste my time to pack them again!
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

oh not only that she packed all my bags, my face stuff AND I CAN'T BLOODY FIND MY FITEMS

2009-01-21T23:00:00.002+08:00

that was like the worst thing she could do
but i could tell that it was hard for her as well
i could feel her emotions
her chest tightening and fighting back tears
it was really a heart wrenching scene

she was so strong
she said she will be appreciative of the love and all
and that her feelings were true
that particular scene was so devastating
when he replied
i can't imagine if i were the guy
i would feel like dying inside
and as he said find somewhere to hide
that's what i would do

the girl says sorry and she really means it
i could tell that after she said it, then she realised how hard it was to do it
and that all her thinkings about it were wrong.

but if u watched u, u will be able to tell instantly how hard it was

2009-01-21T20:32:00.002+08:00

RACHEL LEW! DO YOUR BLOODY WORK!
goshhhh i have no motivation! i have got loads of work but i just keep walking around the house or surfing the net as i am blogging now
*rolls eyes*

2009-01-21T20:32:00.001+08:00

Bitch in disguise

watch out for me

2009-01-21T20:08:00.005+08:00

TODAY IS THE DAY! A VEY SPECIAL DAY!
THE DAY MY SET OF TEETH IS SET FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
after 4 years of being locked up, it finally gets to see the light
LOL NO MORE RUBBER BANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yayyy
no more getting poked by the braces thingyy YAYYY

hahaha it feels so smooth when i run my tongue over them but however i have this stain on my 2 FrONT TEETH T_____T
and i asked the dentist what is it then she said something flourides or smth didn't catch it clearly and she said she also has it so i guess its normal. i think i had it since young! NOO like so sad cause its so freaking ovbious! i need to go do whitening but i am afraid my teeth would get sensitive and i would need to give up my beloved ice cream forever!!! which is going to be such a heart wrenching thing to do!!!